“Welcome to the Great British Housing Coma: Nobody’s Buying, Nobody’s Selling, and the Taxman Just Turned the Heating Off.”

And Nobody’s Sure When It Will Wake Up...

Rachel Reeves didn’t swing a wrecking ball at housing. She slipped it a strong sedative, locked the door, and whispered “shhh, it’s for your own good.”

Here’s what actually just happened to the market, in plain, unhinged English:

1. The £2 million semi-detached is now officially cursed

From 2028, any home worth £2m+ gets slapped with a new “high-value council tax surcharge.” The exact numbers are still being polished by sadists in Whitehall, but early whispers are £3k–£10k extra per year, for life.